Thursday, January 28, 2010

6:30 update

Still not progressing. He is now requiring 100% oxygen support on 5 liters vapotherm. He's very labile. He's been sleeping for the last few hours. This is good considering he's been up all night and his body needs all the rest it can get right now. Watching his monitor is draining, but I can't seem to turn away. The irregularity of this little guy's heart beat just astounds me. It hurts my heart that things aren't right in his teeny, tiny frame. It hurts more that I can't do anything about it. I feel defeated for him, which is wrong. He is fighting and I know with my head I serve a good God. A God with purpose for those who trust in Him. A God who will give Malachi and myself the strength to endure. Unfortunately, I also have this weak, fragile, human heart who's inclination is to turn away and withdraw from God and try to blame Him and question His purposes. God is good. God is in control. God loves me and He loves my son more than I will ever comprehend. In that, I find rest. I find peace. I find comfort.
at 6:38 PM
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5 comments:

  1. The ClaytonsJanuary 28, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    Sending prayers your way for you and your sweet little Malachi. I pray that the Dr.'s can get to the source of why Malachi is having a hard time right now.

    Kim Clayton
    Mommy to Christopher Clayton (CHaRgE Syndrome)

    ReplyDelete
  2. CandaceJanuary 28, 2010 at 8:42 PM

    Praying, Marissa! You have been on my heart all evening....A mother's heart can sure be a difficult thing to rationalize with. I still haven't figured it out...WE ARE PRAYING...

    ReplyDelete
  3. ElizabethJanuary 28, 2010 at 9:50 PM

    Praying for you and Chi. God gives mothers such a heart for our children, it is hard to process it all....but your heart is in the right place and God IS in control of every beat of little Chi's heart. Praying and praying for you!!!! Lots of love from Iowa.

    ReplyDelete
  4. une autre mèreJanuary 28, 2010 at 10:50 PM

    Praying constantly for you! Yes, God IS in control and knows the ins and outs of Chi's little body. I'm praying He'll give you the extra strength you need tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Matt G.January 29, 2010 at 12:10 AM

    john and marissa, i am one of evan's teens and i just wanted to let you know that i'm praying for you. Jesus knows everything you are going through and is with you every single moment of every single day. you and malachi are in my prayers.

    Matt G.

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