8 down 24 to go

Today was my turn to be a nurse. Marissa and I have done most if not all training we will be getting from the hospital. And now both of us have completed an 8 hour nursing shift taking care of Malachi at the hospital. When I first learned about these shifts we would have to do before he could come home my first reaction was... Since the nurse wont be needed to actually take care of my child then do I get paid whatever the nurse gets paid for one day? Alas... this is not the case. We/Insurance still pay for a nurse to be there while Marissa and I are the ones actually doing the work. I say this partially in jest because I know they were there to answer questions, observe us, and to help out if any emergency arose. Gladly they weren't needed for any emergencies, because it went pretty well today.
When I first arrived he was on oxygen support of about 35% but his sats were in the mid 90s. He went down to 25% and stayed around 85 for his saturation. I was pleased. This remained basically until he fell asleep after his bath time. The poor little man seems to always puke when he gets all his morning meds. Marissa had thought I should probably just wait till after his 9:00 am feed to do the bath. I am glad I listened to her. His little tummy can't take getting 6 meds at one time.
He was definitely tired after a bath time that he tolerated well. He zonked out and even had a slight moment of apnea. His Respiratory rate dropped, Heart rate dropped, and then therefore his Oxygen Saturation levels dropped. I had to have him at 55% oxygen support to keep his Sats barely above 75. He finally woke up but sadly his condition didn't really change... I was constantly by his bedside trying to do anything I could to help him/make him more comfy. It wasn't until he had his trach collar trial that he improved.
I was a tiny bit nervous when they said they wanted to start. He wasn't doing all that well on the vent, so I figured his doing all the work by himself would make the situation worse. On the contrary, he not only improved while he was awake but also when he slept again with the collar on. He fell asleep and had a more consistent heart and respiratory rate. He didn't go apneic and his sats stay in the mid 80s. It was a blessing to see him sleeping peacefully and not have to worry about whether we was going to stop breathing or about a monitor beeping every few seconds.
As far as I know I "passed." Marissa has her 24 hour shift on Monday and I have mine next Saturday (the weekend before he comes home). We are nervous and excited. We believe that no one will be able to take care of him with the same love and attention will we will give him. We also know we are already really tired and can't really fathom how tired we will get when he comes home.
I can tell you with out a single shred of doubt that any strength we have is not of ourselves. Any inkling of patience we have or tidbit of hope that is in us comes from our great Father, the Lord Jesus Christ. If anyone has appreciated the testimony of my wife and I during this time that is a blessing to us. But anything worthy of honor or appreciation needs to be directed to Christ. Without him Marissa and I both would have given up on each other and Chi already. And I know we would understand even less than we do now about what is going on in our lives. We are weak both in mind and in spirit and need so much help. And the Lord keeps providing for us. I've heard God described as a crutch for those who are too weak to get by without Him. I actually don't find a lot of fault in this assumption. The ones that think of this as a negative thing just don't really understand how broken and weak they are as well. I guess the only thing false about the idea of God being a crutch is that a crutch is a far too weak comparison. He doesn't just prop me up. He lifts me up and carries me. I may lean on Him but He doesn't need me at all to help Him help me like a crutch does.
We are broken... all of us. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Humanity has been broken and in need on a Savior since Adam and Eve first sinned. And from that moment humanity has blinded themselves from the reality of their brokenness. What do people say about humanity? They say that people are basically good. The Bible says no one is good. That includes me... especially me! From the moment I was born no one had to teach me how to sin. No one had to teach how to put myself and what I want above everyone else. I was born a sinner and quickly proved that to be true.
I am different now though. Not because of anything I did but because of what my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ did on the cross for me. He took the payment or wage I deserved. I had earned that penalty. It was mine and it was sending me straight to Hell. Christ came to Earth to seek out and save the lost, the dying, the condemned. And why? did He think He was finding a hidden treasure? No! He knew he was getting a wretched sinner when He purchased me with His blood. He gave up so much for US. I implore anyone out there who has not already repented of their brokenness, their sins to please let go of any pride that is keeping you from seeing how broken you are, or let go of any guilt of knowing how broken you are but that guilt is making you think you are beyond help. Please repent. Accept what Christ did when he took your place on the cross. Let him lift you and carry you. Marissa and I have been blessed by so many and the only thing we can give back right now is the most amazing thing we could ever give. We want you to know about Christ. If you are curious and want to talk please let either one of us know. If I have confused you more than before you started ready then also please let us know. We would love to talk to anyone about the only way of Salvation from the broken state that is humanity, Jesus Christ.