a week

did you miss me? okay, probably not, but i'll pretend that my absence was noticed.

it's definitely been a week of ups and downs. good days and bad days and then really bad days.

we are surviving. it is a battle, but we are surviving.

i'm finding it hard to think things through or to focus on a project to see it through its completion. cloudiness and forgetfulness definitely set in at times.

it's hard to be in placed with big groups. especially church. small groups are easier, but still awkward.

there is something missing at home. i don't like living here. we moved to this apartment two weeks before chi was born and our dining room was set up as his home ICU unit. i want to be out of here and in a house--we're trying not to make any rash decisions.

so much to do around the house. i'd ask for help, people have offered; but i like the little feeling of accomplishment in my domestic duties. something i have control over. wanting to fall into a sense of normalcy.

john and i aren't really sure how to "handle" this grief. it's not like a constant cloud hanging over us, but rather just tides of emotion that knock us off our feet every now and then. just kind of going day by day right now.

but that's where we are, for now...