We have never met but I stumbled upon your blog (a total God thing) around December, shortly after Malachi was born. I quickly read your entire blog from the beginning. I was pregnant with our third baby so I was very hormonal and cried easily over anything and everything. Needless to say, I was in tears reading your blog and just could not get little Malachi out of my head. I also told my husband your story and followed with "I pray we never have to deal with anything like this." Everything was going well with my pregnancy, I was nauseated and tired, so I knew from my previous babies that everything was going how it should.
Well, I went in for my 13-week check-up and the doctor could not find the heartbeat. I was sent to the hospital for an ultrasound and was faced with the quiet ultrasound tech—who would not answer any questions and told me the doctor will give me the results. I was later told that the baby measured 10 weeks and I should expect to lose the baby in the next week or so. I had the option to have a D&C or miscarry naturally. I chose the natural way, in my mind I was really hoping and praying that they made a mistake and my baby was still alive and well. I still felt very pregnant, I was gaining weight, still tired, and still nauseous.
Three weeks later in the middle of the night I started having strong contractions and about an hour later my 10-week baby was born. I have had one other miscarriage before this one but never seen the baby like I did with this one. I/we were heartbroken for our loss. And to tell you the truth I wondered why God would allow something like this to happen. Why even let me get pregnant if You’re just going to take it away from me? I know in my heart that He was also heartbroken for our loss.
But I really do think He was leading me to your blog. Had I not been pregnant I never would have been on the internet looking up "pregnancy" or "baby". I kept reading your blog and was so impressed and inspired with your faith and love for Christ. I grew up in the church and attend church regularly but still something was missing. I quickly learned that I wasn't letting God in like I needed to; I had always called myself a Christian but was really lacking in putting all of my trust in Him. I was trying so hard to do it all by myself and felt like such a failure. I have no doubt in my mind that God put Malachi in the hands of you and your husband because you were the absolute right parents for him. And He knew that your testimony would bring more people to Christ—including myself. I can't thank you enough for the awesome testimony and your reminders of who is in charge of this life we lead. Little Malachi sure has opened my eyes and my heart and for that I am grateful.
-New Sister in Christ, 28 (Indiana)-