I stumbled upon your blog many months ago, and it really stuck out to me because of the name, actually. We had a baby girl last May, but if our baby was a boy, we were going to name him Malakai and Kai for short...I know, different spellings, but still the connection was made. I really enjoy reading birth stories, so much excitement, joy, and overwhelming feeling of love. Especially as a new mother, it allows me to relive such an important day in my life. I was taken aback by your story though as you worked so hard to find out what was going on with Malachi, especially since there was no warning or expectation for anything other than a "normal" delivery. Your story could have just as easily been my story.
Reading what you've endured over these months, I've had to remind myself that my little struggles are nothing in comparison. Of course we all have mountains to climb, but I've been impressed with the way you have graciously accepted the challenge and inspired so many with your kind heart. I think about Malachi's short time here on earth, tears coming to my eyes again, wondering how God was able to make such a strong and mighty child. But, He also made two very strong parents to help Malachi endure his journey. We must remember that we are never alone, not in this world or the next.
I don't think there is much I can say that will help stifle your own tears, and I don't think that's really what you were looking for anyway. What I can do, I hope, is help you understand the length of Malachi's reach. I've lost close loved ones in my life, but I know there's no comparison to a mother's ache for her child. I look at my daughter and wonder how I ever endured a breath without her before she was here on earth, and then I understand - our children are with us before their birth, and they are certainly here beyond this life. They are a part of us, a part of something much bigger, and one day we will see those pieces come together as the beautiful mosaic of our life unfolds.
God bless you and yours,