Well, we made it back from vacation in one piece--always a good thing. A week away was wonderful, but now reality sets in. We didn't want to come home. Its just weird that life goes on for everyone else and we're left with a huge gaping hole. No more daily trips to the hospital. No more nursing shifts for John and I at home. No more Malachi--for now, anyway.
Monday will be hard. John will have to go back to work. I will be home with Emma. I'm thinking it will take a while to find the middle ground between wanting to do absolutely nothing and wanting to keep myself completely occupied so as to stay distracted from life. I know that's not where I should be, but that's where I want to be. I don't want to move on. I don't want to think about life without my son.
For now, we hold on to the strength and peace and comfort that God is so abundantly providing--praying, it continues.
(listen here)
Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last
I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me
Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have
Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me
Savior, Please by Josh Wilson
I have been praying for you and your family non-stop this past week. Every time I see my blue chi band I well up with tears....I can't imagine how you are feeling. I will continue to pray that His peace surrounds you.
ReplyDelete(Josh is a dear friend, and I know he would be honored that his music is speaking to your heart. I will pass your blog along to
him so he too can pray for you guys)
Oh Marissa...I've been praying for you, John, and Emerson constantly. I wish there was something "more" I could do but I know that in reality, prayer is one of the best and most powerful tools we have. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI am so so sorry you are going through this. I will keep holding you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteMarissa,
ReplyDeleteI just came from Londa's blog. I know that words can not touch the pain you are experiencing - but I still wanted to offer my deep sympathy to your family. I am so, so sorry. You have such a beautiful family. I don't know you - and yet I feel conected becasue I know loss. it will get better. You will never, never forget, but it WILL get more bearable.
May God sustain you with his amazing comfort.