Wanting to be Irrational

I don't think my husband understands my need to just be irrational at times. I want to sob uncontrollably and fret and worry and point fingers and find blame in everyone but myself. I want God to make Malachi whole. I want him to be all better. I can't control this and I want to SO BADLY. I want to be mad at God for making Malachi this way, but I'm not. I'm just frustrated with our current situation. I'm not very good with unknowns. I don't know what these blood tests are going to come back as. I don't know how long I will have my baby. I don't know if I can keep him "germ-free" enough so that he doesn't get sick and have to be readmitted to the hospital. I don't know what I would do if they thought it was best to just keep him in the hospital until they have all this stuff figured out. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. I want to be in control, but that's not my place. I want to be irrational. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit within me (and my husband) continually remind me that God is in control. God is good. Everything that happens WILL bring glory to His name.