Another not so amazing day for Malachi. He's certainly fighting though. They are still struggling to keep his oxygen saturation levels where they need to be. They have been unable to wean him down on any of the nitric oxide or the oxygen through the ventilator with out his sats dropping. So he is on 100% oxygen and 20 ppm (parts per million) of the nitric oxide. Even with those settings, he dropped down into the 30s for his sats and would not come up on his own. They had to use the resuscitation mask, I believe, on three separate occasions today. This does not set well with my tummy. We are still hopeful, but we are also very heavy-hearted. It's very frustrating to be in a constant state of unknowns. But that is where we are.
Today was once again spent shuffling here and there, back and forth between time spent with family and at the hospital. We hope Christ wasn't completly "lost in the shuffle," but I think it's safe to say unfortunately that God's gift of sending Him to die for our sins wasn't necessarily on the forefront of our mind for a greater part of the day. Thankfully, the God of the Bible is a God of second chances.
I was reading today a book called "Shopping for Time." The following is an excerpt from that book, but I have replaced some of the names. I hope that one day, this can be said of me in my situation:
...This was not the life she had planned. It wasn't what she wanted. She felt stuck in a season that wouldn't end. Like [Marissa], none of us would choose "a time to weep," or "a time to mourn," or a time of sickness--a lifetime of sickness. This isn't what [Marissa] chose. But it's what God chose for [Marissa]. Here, inside this truth, [Marissa] found joy. No, [Malachi] didn't get better...Yet she came to the realization that this life--one she hadn't planned for herself--was the very life God had planned for her. God had designed this long, unexpected, unwelcome season so that [Marissa] could best glorify Him. he had allowed this trial so that He could show His goodness and mercy to [Marissa] in totally unexpected ways. [Marissa] found joy when she came to rest in the truth that God orders our seasons.
...If you were to meet [Marissa], her joy would be immediately obvious. It's a deep joy, infused with peace. And it displays itself in a genuine care for others and continual expressions of gratefulness to God. To be around [Marissa] is to catch a glimpse of the love and goodness of Christ. [Marissa] isn't just surviving. She's truly thriving, growing, and rejoicing in the season God has ordained.
Lord, I pray that the above might be my testimony to those I leave behind when my time here on earth is through. Thank you for ordaining my seasons.
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