Malachi,
I miss you. Your brother is getting bigger and closer to the size you were when I held you in my arms as you took your last breath--a moment I long to forget, but cling to so often. I was folding laundry tonight when I noticed something on one of your old bed pads. A piece of tape. I don't know how many times we've washed that pad and I've never noticed. It's most definitely from a time when we changed your g-tube or trach dressings or one of those frustrating occasions when you would keep kicking off your pulse oximeter and the alarm would NOT stop!! It's still hard for me to go back and look at pictures and videos of you, little man, but it will get better. I want to remember everything about you, at least the good stuff. I want to remember everything God taught us through you, and I know that means remembering the hard stuff, too--I'll get there. Even though something as little as a piece of tape can still bring me to tears and heartache, I know with all my heart that you are healthy and whole and I can't wait to see you again. Soon enough, my son... soon enough.
Love,
Mama
that brought me to tears...i can't imagine your pain marissa. you are in my prayers
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