9 months

Well, little man, yesterday marked nine months since I've seen your precious face. Your mama also turned 25 and would have given so much to have you here and healthy celebrating with us.  As hard as it is to find our new normal with the four of us left here on earth,  I'm trying.  Your sister still talks about you most days; that makes me happy.  It's humbling to be reminded through my tears by my three-year-old that God healed you.  I know there are no more tubes, monitors, or medication.  None of that is needed where you are.  I'm so thankful that I can know by God's Word that you are safe with Him.  Even though you might not be in any pain, your mama sure hurts.  I ache to be where you are.  Until you died, I never really thought too much or too seriously about heaven.  But now things are different.  I hate the thought of loved ones not being able to see you again someday.  I'll keep telling them about God's goodness--hoping they can see His strength during these trying days.  I agree with your daddy when he tells people that our strength went out the door the moment after you were born and whisked out of the delivery room because you couldn't breath on your own. From that point on, only by God's grace have we been able to carry on.  The days we try to do it by ourselves are always the least successful.  Because of you, I have learned my dependence on God.  There is no greater crutch--my God, my Rock.

I read recently, "Gratitude never comes from avoiding difficulty, but from finding yourself sustained through it. The degree of joy rises to the degree of gratitude, and the level of gratitude corresponds to the level of God’s grace experienced in our suffering. God’s sustaining providence brings relief, even when life becomes unspeakably difficult."

I'm choosing gratitude. 

I love you, little man.
Longing to be with you soon,
Mama.