Thursday, October 28, 2010

One Year...

One year ago today Malachi Stephen Sharbaugh was born into our world. Many of you know his story. I would be sadly mistaken if I thought I could sum up what this past year has been like in a brief blog post. I wish I could tell you that our family is doing really well. I wish I could tell you that life has basically returned to normal in this Sharbaugh household. I wish I could actually put into words how utterly lost we feel sometimes thinking about the what's and the why's of these past months. I wish I could explain to you how I feel when I hear someone ask how he is doing not really aware of what has happened. I wish I could say something to a wife who is still grieving that would make her feel better. I wish I could have counted how many tears were shed for one small child. I wish I could understand what my God was really thinking and doing when he allowed my son to live in so much pain for 7 months and survive so many surgeries and hardships and let his parents get so attached to him just to take him from us. I wish I could understand it all myself. I can't... 

But I also wish I could fully describe to you the impact Malachi has made in this past year. I wish I could list off one by one the people who have been touched and lives that have been impacted. I wish I could list off the amount of prayers that people prayed possible for the first time because of this small like child. I wish i knew the amount of people that decided to open up the Word of God and see what was written that maybe hadn't touched it for quite some time. I wish I could explain the joy I hear when my little girl corrects someone when they say she is going to be a big sister, and she explains that she already is one. She informs them she has a little brother name Malachi in Heaven. I wish I could relay the jealousy I have for my son Malachi. My son, who will never know any more pain, sadness, hate, disappointment, sickness, or loneliness ever again has seen the face of my Savior. He in his brand new perfect body has had the opportunity to walk and talk with those who we named him after. He has been able to do things and understand things that we wont ever be able while here on earth. Any sorrow I have is for me and my family NOT HIM. My son has seen what we all should live for. I am not talking about Heaven. I am talking about Christ. Why hope? Why hope that somehow I will ever be good enough to be where my son is now. Why think that the same fool who sins every day would ever do enough to merit the love, grace, and mercy of a perfect God. My hope is in CHRIST! I don't long for heaven or being able to see my son again someday. I long for Christ. Don't get me wrong I miss my son. It still hurts at times. Many times actually. All those things I wrote about earlier are true. I don't really get all that has happened this past year. I might never know. I don't really even know if I will when I get to heaven. I want to see my son but that shouldn't be what drives me. I should be striving always for the only good and perfect goal, Christ! I am sure that this may not make sense to some of you. But I ask you... why do you even get out of bed in the morning if all you have to look forward to is this world? Look at what this world has to offer you. I would plead with you but it isn't my place to change those of you who haven't trusted Christ. I do pray for you. Thinking about Chi is probably harder on you than it is for my family and me. So many questions would haunt me ever waking moment if I hadn't been saved from my wretched filthy sin and given eternal life to spend with my Savior. I still wonder about them. But God is so good. I wish I could explain to you how good He is but I don't fully know myself. Glimpses I see sustain me until I get to be with Him and see my hope and joy face to face.

One year ago my son was born into this place broken and 5 months and 2 days ago he woke up in a different place Perfect. I can say without any doubt that I learned more from him that I could have ever taught him if I had been allowed to see him grow up. I thank God for the time we had and for privileging my wife and I had as stewards over that precious little one while he was in our hands here on Earth. I praise the Lord that he is taking care of both him and us even now.  I wish I could explain why everything that has happened over the last year happened. I can't... But I know the Author and finisher of my faith. In Him is my hope. I know I will see my son again someday. I will probably run up to him and hug him but not before I have run up and flung myself into the loving and wonderful arms of my Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ!


  1. Happy First Birthday sweet Malachi!

  2. Rejoicing with you for so many blessings -
    Sorrowing with you for so many losses -
    Praising our Savior with you that HE WILL come again and all will be made Right and we will be HIM. - Many hugs to you today!!!!

    - Nancy

  3. Thinking of your family this week especially... remembering Malachi with you... and thinking of his wonderful 1st birthday with his Father & the angels! Happy Birthday Malachi... you will always be loved by many and never forgotten!