Wednesday, August 25, 2010

three months

Today officially marks three months since Malachi died.

I specifically waited until the end of the day to make mention of this because part of me really dislikes that look of pity people get when they realize we've reached another milestone like this.

God has definitely given us the grace to fight this battle. It takes work to really focus on the truth of the situation and to be thankful that Chi is whole and healthy and complete in heaven with our Savior. The days that are the hardest continue to be those with milestones (like today) and those where I sulk in self-pity and feel sorry for myself dwelling on the fact that I have four children--only two of which currently have beating hearts.

Feel free to pray for me as I continue to trek on with this pregnancy. Pray alongside me for an increased attachment and love for this baby. I'm just not exactly where I thought I would be in that area with this child. I wholeheartedly believe that is a prayer God will answer.

On a lighter note, can you believe I've still got THREE MONTHS of growing ahead of me!??!


  1. i dotn pity i know oru chi is hole and playing with his little sis and watchign his big sis and u and the rest big hugs to u all and i allwasy think of u all love to u all more and mroe

  2. This baby will never take the place of Chi... he will simply add to your life & family & you will love him (like the others) in a way you could never imagine. After a miscarriage (which I FULLY realize is NOTHING compared to all you've gone thru w/ sweet baby Chi), I had a terrible time imagining that things would/could be "ok" again & somehow kept myself "reserved" & felt like I was waiting for the next "bomb" to drop while pregnant with the next. After delivering my healthy baby boy, looking at his perfect face & finally seeing for myself he was healthy & perfect & all was well, the love, attachment & even deeper appreciation of the blessing of him was/is amazing. When this little guy is in your arms & all is well, I truly believe there will be nothing but adoration & love for him & the part he will play in your lives. You continue to be in my prayers.

  3. Praying for you! I actually thought of Chi a lot today and even mentioned him in a class. One of the girls in my class brother died around the same time as Chi. We talked about the Hope we have even during those most difficult times in life.

  4. Thinking of you and holding you in prayer. I can't believe it has been that long since I have found myself attached to your blogs. "Anniversaries" for lack of a better word are tough, we just finished our first year in March without Joshua. There are emotions that you never knew existed that come out at these times, as when we had our daughter this past December. I was anxious wondering how I'd feel having another child and our attachment to her, but the Lord will answer. Keep the faith my friend!