One of the songs we heard at church tonight had the following lyrics:
"I made Myself known from the beginning of time. What more do you need to see?"
God is enough. He is sufficient in all and for all things. He answered my prayers and healed my baby. What more do I want?
Yes, I miss Malachi, but my source of joy can only come from God--not my children. My peace will come from within--not of anything that I can produce of myself, but rather that which I can receive freely through the working of the Holy Spirit who lives inside me.
I want to worship God. I was created for that very purpose. i have allowed my circumstances and my emotions to hinder my ability to worship. I have tried to correct this of my own volition--my way. But even if I could accomplish that task on my own, it would make me self-sufficient. It is not possible to worship God on my own. I need Him. I must pray for the ability to humble myself before His throne and find joy solely in Him. I need His help to worship Him. Even old saints prayed to this same end in Psalm 90...
13 Relent, O LORD! How long will it be?
Have compassion on your servants.
14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.
I will choose not to waste this suffering, this time of affliction. This is the road God knows is best for Marissa Sharbaugh. Pray that my hardship would be a testimony of His glory. Pray that God would continue to put the pieces back together and make me whole. God is good. God is faithful. God is true.