this link should work though:
For those of you who are Christians. Please keep us in your prayers this month especially. John's doing his best and God is giving him strength to be extra strong for the both of us. I'm finding it hard to keep things together. It's very much a daily battle--DAILY BATTLE-- to acknowledge and persevere in God's goodness, faithfulness, and truth.
My personal response these days (to a whiny toddler, a baby who thinks it's best to fight sleep rather than just giving in and falling asleep, and mix in relatively fresh grief and the upcoming anniversary of Malachi passing from my arms into Christ's) is to just want to quit. To give up. Start over May 26th.
Quitting, however, will not bring God any glory. Quitting will be grieving like the world grieves. I must press on. I'm not even at the point where I can go day by day--at the most it's moment by moment. Even then, I waver.
We are talking about developing godly character within our lives in youth group right now. Talk about convicting. In our small groups, we broke down even further into guys/girls. I was thankful for the time spent with three of our teen girls. Sharing struggles. Praying. Encouraging one another in godly character. I asked them, and I will ask you, to pray for me in the area of isolation and anger.
I find myself wanting to be angry with God for taking my son away from me. This anger leads to all sorts of sin--impatience, bitterness, lack of self control, fear, worry, etc. etc. God did not take my son away from me. God brought Malachi home to be with Him--safe, healthy, protected from our sin-cursed world. I also tend to want to just stay secluded. I don't want to be at church or in large groups. I want to hide. I don't want people to see me hurting. I don't want to put on a facade that life is easy. But it's that very community that keeps me accountable. It keeps my mind in check. It helps me not think my own way is right and it keeps me from justifying my sin (anger, bitterness, etc.)
We were also encouraged to memorize verses that will help with these areas of struggle. A big one for me is Proverbs 18:1...
Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against all sound judgment.
he breaks out against all sound judgment.
My desire with this blog is to be real. The good, the bad, the ugly. Humble enough to ask for prayer and admit when I am weak. My God is not a crutch. He is an everlasting Rock. A stronghold. My comfort and my peace. My prayer is that He would be yours, too.
You have been in my prayers often this month, Friend, and I will now make your heart a daily request before our wonderful Father.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being honest. We can pray for you best when we know specifically how to pray.
Malachi is not on this earth anymore, but the footprints he's continued to leave behind over this past year are engraved on some of us in ways only possible through God.
Praying for your daily routines, your interaction with your hubby, as well as your patience with Miss Emma and Mr Jackson.
If there's anything I can do along with my prayers, please ask.
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You are in my most deep concentrated prayers this month, praying for comfort, love, and continued hope. Thank you for sharing all of who you are with us. Praying for all of you.
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