okay with not knowing.

So I started yawning at about 8:30 this evening. I must be getting old ;)

I always feel like I have so many things that I want to tell the world, that when it comes down to actually writing something out, I never know what to say or how to say it.

Right now, I am thankful that all of my needs have been and are being provided for. Spiritually, I have a personal relationship with the God of the universe. Physically, I have food to eat, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head. Emotionally, I have a husband who can't get enough of me and would do anything to ensure that all the above mentioned needs are continually met.

Timing seems to be a topic that subtly or overtly seems to creep into my posts. I seem to have this internal time frame already set for each step of John and I's life. I keep forgetting that only God can see the big picture. I need to let go of all these assumptions that I have regarding my future and just live out what God has already set forth.

On that note, I also need to keep in perspective that I DON'T NEED TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS! I don't know where I got the notion that I needed to have it all "figured out." One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is that most adults don't really have all the answers, they've just gotten better at faking like they do. We're still starting out. We've been married for almost two years. We've relished in the fact that God has given us Emerson to train up and we've grieved in the death of our second daughter, Jordan. Life is hard. John works long hours some days, but we pay all our bills. We keep reminding ourselves that in the busyness of life, family and rest are still important. This does not mean that I think being stagnant is okay, it is still important to progress and complete the things that need completing.

I'm not sure where else I want to go with this post, so I will stop for now and leave you with some encouraging words that God has left for His people from Psalm 37 that encouraged me in my reading today:
3: Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
4: Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart's desires.
5: Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him and He will help you.
16: It is better to be godly and have little than to be evil and rich. (I have a feeling that this one will always apply as I really don't plan on being rich monetarily at any point in our lives.)
18: Day by day the Lord takes care of the innocent and they will receive an inheritance that lasts forever. They will not be disgraced in hard times; even in famine they will have more than enough.
23: The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.