happy birthday to me.

So, I've made it to 23. I don't really think it's that old, but I think it might make my parents feel a little older *WINK* (sorry, guys).

Saturday night I was on the phone with my sister-in-law Julie. We were talking about this and that, and then the subject of babies came up (not unusual as she has a 4 or 5 week old little man). But we were talking about whether or not I was pregnant. We both have been convicted that we should leave our family size in God's control. We are to give every area of our life to him, so why should this part be any different.

(side note: if you desire to take control of this area of your life, please do not use the birth control pill as your form of prevention. Please watch this short video clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiCU46_lWeE)

So John and I have decided not to use any form of prevention and agree with the bible when it says that children are a blessing or a reward from God (Psalm 127:3). It was really hard for me to accept losing Jordan (miscarried at 12 weeks), because we had decided to "let" God bless us with this large amount of children. Instead, God needed me to get to the point where I was satisfied in Him and that leaving God in control could also mean only having a small number of children. Well on Saturday, I had finally come to this point. I would be satisfied in Him, even if that meant only being blessed with the opportunity to raise Emerson. It was the first time when I had said the words where I truly meant them with my heart.

The next morning at church, John and I were working in the nursery during the service. Another young mom was in there and she says to me, "So, are you pregnant yet?" I hadn't really felt any "signs of pregnancy", but I said I'd let her know in a few days. Well, that question had really piqued my curiosity and I had decided to take a home pregnancy test that afternoon. Well, I took the test and I didn't see a line. I pushed it aside and was surprisingly okay with the results. I prayed, "God, I know you are in control and I will praise you anyway." (Very much like the movie Facing the Giants.) At that point, I noticed that the bathroom could use some tidying up. I was putting different things back in their place. I went to throw the test in the wastebasket and noticed a very faint line that had formed. Sure enough, it was a faint positive!

I went and showed it to John. He replied, "I'm guessing two lines mean s positive?" Yep! That's exactly what it means. I took another test the following morning just to verify the results and get a little bit more of a confirmation. Sure enough, it too was positive. So, I've gotten different results with different "due date calculators" online. The earliest date being 10-31 and the latest being 11-04. I think I will just tell people that I am due on November 2nd!! Pray that we get to meet this baby on better terms than the last one!