So we've officially hit the one-month mark with our newest addition, Jackson Nehemiah! Overall, he has been a GREAT baby. Although, it could just be that I've amplified in my mind all of Emma's crying and horrible nursing experience to the point that any baby would seem easy compared to her--well, except for Malachi (he was pretty complex!)... He really is just about the cutest little boy you'll ever see. He spends most of his days (and nights) SLEEPING! The sight of a sleeping babe is truly precious--hence the first three pictures of this post!
At five days old, he was already up to his birthweight. Now, at one month, he has gained THREE pounds. Clearly, we've got breastfeeding (mostly) down with this munchkin'--a completely new experience for me. I think God is using the nursing success as a means of answer the prayers of so many that I would have a deep, immediate attachment to this baby--a fear of mine as I am still almost daily grieving for the loss of our babe Malachi. I really, really can't get enough of this kid!
In the beginning, it was VERY difficult for me to allow anyone else to hold Jackson--including John. It wasn't so much me just being selfish, but I wanted to take each and every opportunity I could to snuggle this baby. Sometimes Malachi was so sick that we weren't even able to touch him--let alone HOLD him! However, if I learned anything from our experience with Malachi it was that our children are not our own. They are gifts from the Lord whom we have been given the privilege of stewarding. So when I attend a Christmas get-together or spend time with extended family, I have to force myself to ask "Anybody want to hold the baby?" as soon as we walk in the door, or I know it's not gonna happen and I'll just hoard him all night long.
Just like with Emerson, Jackson was born looking just like my side of the family but is quickly turning into a baby-image of his father. Emma continues to go back and forth between looking like me and looking like her daddy, so it will be interesting to see if Jackson follows suit. I'm hoping he just looks more and more like his daddy! I've been able to capture a few smiles (or at least smirks) on "film" and he's starting to realize that he can intentionally make noises--so that's always fun. I mean seriously, how can you resist this charm!?!? One thing he quickly grew out of though were his pig noises. He would grunt EXACTLY like a little piglet when he was trying to forage for food. I miss those piggy snorts.
Happy one month Jackson, I've enjoyed getting to know you!
boxes and boxes... there were still more to come. at this point we hadnt emptied our stuff from johns parents...
a peek at the new countertops...
pantry almost done...
sink preview...
mt favorite place in the new house. board and batten throughout--my husband loves me dearly to put all this up.
we're taking a hiatus on working on the house during the holidays and enjoying time as a family when john gets home from work for the day. we'll hit it hard again in 2011!
head over to chis blog at http://www.malachisharbaugh.blogspot.com/ to view/listen to some lyrics that have touched me/us lately. (and i haven't even started listening to the Steven Curtis Chapman CD he wrote after losing his daughter)... the last three posts are all song related.
John and I really enjoy listening to the music of Sanctus Real. The lead singer of this group, Matt Hammitt, and his wife recently had a baby boy who was diagnosed in utero with a heart defect. The first surgery that Bowen underwent was the very same open heart surgery that Malachi had at two weeks old. Needless to say, we could relate to their story.
As a songwriter, Matt began working on lyrics. Listen to his song "All of Me" which can be found halfway through their 9/15/2010 blog post at the following link: http://bowensheart.com/2010/09/15/the-morning-of-september-14th/ We have some very similar pictures of Malachi we posted here.
All of Me
Afraid to love something that could break Could I move on if you were torn away? I’m so close to what I can’t control Can’t give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole
You’re gonna have all of me You’re gonna have all of me You’re worth every falling tear You’re worth facing any fear
You’re gonna know all my love Even if it’s not enough Enough to mend our broken hearts But giving you all of me is where I’ll start
I won’t let sadness steal you from my arms I won’t let pain keep you from my heart I’ll trade the fear of all that I could lose For every moment I’ll share with you
Heaven brought you to this moment It’s too wonderful to speak You’re worth all of me You’re worth all of me
Let me recklessly love you Even if I bleed You’re worth all of me You’re worth all of me
Matthew West, why must you continue to pull at my heartstrings... a couple songs off his latest album. Lyrics are posted below the videos. Underlined text denotes especially meaningful lyrics.
One Last Christmas
verse 1: It’s the news that no one hopes for, Every parents greatest fear Finding out the child you love so much Might not make it through the year Now the thought of spending Christmas Without him just feels wrong They’ve been praying for a miracle, Now there’s praying he can just hold on
chorus: For one last Christmas one last night One last season when the world is right One more telling of the story One more verse of Silent night They’d give anything so he could have One last Christmas
verse 2: Middle of September Still twenty degrees mother climbs up in the attic, brings down candles hangs the lights on all the trees Then the neighbors started asking And pretty soon word got around First it was the neighborhood, Before too long they lit up that whole town
Verse 3: Twentyseventh of October, {{Malachi's Birthday}} His time was wearing thin Friends and family even strangers That they didn’t know brought presents in He was weak but He was smiling Like there was nothing even wrong They said he wouldn’t make it, Looks like he got to see it after all
The Reason for the World
There are no words in times like these When tears don't hide the tragedies And all you want is a reason for the world
No comfort in the greeting card Cause God is good, But life's still hard and your heart just wants a reason for the world
Maybe the reason for the pain Is so we would pray for strength And maybe the reason for the strength Is so that we would not lose hope And maybe the reason for all hope Is so that we could face the world And the reason for the world Is to make us long for home
For God so loved your broken heart He sent his son to where you are and he died To give a reason for the world
So lift your sorrows to the one Whose plan for you has just begun And rests here in the hands that hold the world
Maybe the reason for the pain Is so we would pray for strength And maybe the reason for the strength Is so that we would not lose hope And maybe the reason for all hope Is so that we could face the world And the reason for the world Is to make us long for home
Well I know your past the point of broken Surrounded by your fear I know your feet are tired and weary from the road that you walked down here But just keep your eyes on heaven and know that you are not alone remember the reason for the world
No ear has heard, No eye has seen Not even in your wildest dreams A beauty that awaits beyond this world When you look into the eyes of grace and hear the voice of mercy say Child, welcome to the reason for the world
Recently, I have read these books through tears and tissues and would highly recommend them to anyone who would like insight on what the past 2-1/2 years, but more specifically the last almost 7 months have been like for me. I was able to very directly relate to these authors and their lives by what we have experienced in the last 2-1/2 years through miscarriage, hospital life, disability, burying our baby, and the ensuing grief.
Safe in the Arms of God (John MacArthur)
Biblically based assurance that I will see my babies when I join them in heaven.
A Different Dream for My Child by Jolene Philo
Meditations for Parents of Critically or Chronically Ill Children
How to Help a Grieving Friend by Stephanie Grace Whitson
A Year with God: Making His Thoughts Your Thoughts by R.P. Nettelhorst
I was given a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review by BookSneeze. They did not provide any other measure of compensation--only asking for an honest review in return. My review was not required to be positive.
Overall, I think it was a decent surface-type devotional. However it was not something that I would see at a bookstore and buy it off the shelf. I actually prefer devotionals and studies with a little more "meat" to them.
I do like that the scriptures used all came from the Old Testament--definitely not the case with most devotional type books and it was nice to see something different. I also liked that there were distinct topical sections within the book (Hope and Fear, Love and Hate, Perseverance and Quitting, Faith and Doubt, Loyalty and Betrayal, Companionship and Isolation, Mercy and Judgment, Forgiveness and Anger, Joy and Sadness, Peace and Conflict). These topics can be related to by everyone--myself included. I will keep this book within easy reach on my bookshelf even just for the quick reads in the arena of "Joy and Sadness".
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times and at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you. But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry is how long must I wait to be with you. I close my eyes and I see your face. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow; I've never been more homesick than now.
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways. The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know. But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same 'cause I'm still here so far away from home. I close my eyes and I see your face. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow. I've never been more homesick than now.
In Christ, there are no goodbyes. And in Christ, there is no end. So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have to see you again. To see you again.
And I close my eyes and I see your face. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow.
Congrats to Victoria Nelson (mom to CHARGEr Moriah--pretty sure her and Chi would have been a great couple ;) not that it ever crossed John and I's mind).
Her guess for Baby Jackson was as follows... im guessing Nov. 11th. wt. 7 lbs 7 oz ht. 19 1/2
Actual figures: Nov 11...7lb 13oz...20.5 inches
Good work! Your amazon gift card will be in your e-mail inbox in the next day or so. Enjoy!
Last week Jackson received his first package... I just can't resist sharing this with you...
Of course, we needed to start this kid off right as a hawkeye fan (the sender thought likewise!).
And have you EVER seen these!?!? I laughed for a solid hour when I read the packaging. It's a Pee-Pee TeePee! I'm assuming you can figure out what it's for ;)
