learning to trust

whether it be trusting God or trusting my husband, i definitely have NOT arrived... and due to the fact that i'm ready to have this kid any day now there are many things that i canNOT take care of in regard to the upcoming weeks. i need to be able to just let my husband take care of the things which he has committed to do for my sake and well-being during the last bit of this pregnancy.

physically, there is only so much i can do when it comes to sorting and packing and unpacking and sorting and organizing. my days are spent chasing and caring for and feeding emerson, and i spend most nights sick and laying on the couch going to bed early. not to mention all of the jabs and kicks i've been getting from within!

mentally, i'm a forgetful, incoherent mess (so, apologies if none of this makes sense). not only am i overthinking all of the things on my "to-do" list that i can remember, but i'm also fretting about the things which i've assumed i've forgotten. i think my subconscious has also added about a bazillion things on my imaginary to-do list and i've been overwhelmed knowing that i could never accomplish all of these things that i've conjured up. i also need to get the picture out of my head that we will be bringing baby boy home to this nice, neat, organized apartment. i need to understand that it's not going to happen, and frankly, i need to be okay with that.

spiritually, i'm feeling very prideful. my human nature does NOT want to ask for help. i WANT to be able to do all of this stuff on my own and i want to do it right--even though i don't have a clue on how to do this moving thing. you'd think i would have gathered some sort of idea by now, i mean we did this two years ago with like three successive moves, but alas, all has been forgotten.

i'm sure that there is much more that i could add to each section of this post, but i'm sleepy and we have church in the morning. hopefully, i will be able to make it through sunday school and the service. last week we left early due to sickness and uncomfortableness (blech) i'm ready to be a faithful attender once again. however, i do not believe that will be the case until baby chi is a few months old and i have at least begun to figure him out. it took at LEAST three months until i felt comfortable with taking care of emerson, so we'll see how it goes!