It's 1:47 am My thoughts are racing and my heart is pounding and I can't fall asleep. I'm frustrated. I'm weak. I'm weary. Most of the week Ive not been thinking straight.
For example, I went to the store to print a file that I didn't save correctly to my USB drive. I went through a drive thru to order something they no longer offer. I went to the post office to mail something we've been meaning to send for over a week. Not thinking, we packaged it in a leftover flat rate box, so we had to pay that price even though by weight it was two bucks less. I had gone out of my way to that post office and because of my frustration said ill take my business elsewhere--package still not shipped. Unfortunately ups wanted to charge me five bucks more so I ate my pride and went back to a post office--of course I had forgotten to repackage it so I ended up shipping for the increased flat rate in the end anyway. I put conditioner in my hair before rinsing out the shampoo. I filled the water reservoir of my coffee pot twice one morning to where it overflowed. I burnt my ear by clamping down on it with my straightener.
...and those are just the things that quickly come to mind.
To top it off I spent the majority of my day typing and apparently in my last Two and a half HOURS of typing tonight I never saved. I know better. I'm not thinking. 20 handwritten pages I get to retype.
My mind is on a much harder issue which I've only shared with a few. It's mostly battling lies, but its hard to do when thinking straight doesn't come easily. And it's hard to fight when minor frustration after minor frustration creeps in.
I need to stop this self-rule charade I think I can pull off. I need to submit to the One who knows best for me. I need to be dependent on my creator who loves me and takes care of me. I can't do this alone. Anyone who thinks the can is kidding themselves.
Father, forgive me for my worthless attempts to put myself on your throne. Do what it takes to show me where I've been fooled to believing I can walk this weary land alone. Remind me that You're beside me, never to leave me or forsake me.