The Wednesday night before Thanksgiving our church puts a hold on the usual Wednesday night church activities and has an annual pie night time of fellowship with one another as a church body. I love listening to the stories of those in my church family and how God has worked through the good and bad to bring each one of us closer to Him.
The first pie night we were a part of we were still relatively new to the church and it was only a couple of months after I had miscarried with Jordan. I felt led to get up and say something (which completely evades me at this point) even though most were unaware of what had happened. Last year, we were in the hospital with Malachi during pie night. Because I knew God would once again lead me to get up and share at least something of His goodness throughout the trials of the last year, I came prepared!
This year there was kind of an "order" for people to share. There was a time of singing and then those over 30 were encouraged to share something. When people in that age bracket were seemingly done, one of our pastors told us how he was encouraged by those of us in our church who suffered great loss of loved ones in the past year who clung to God during those times instead of turning our backs. Tears immediately fill my eyes and I knew I would be unable to coherently give a testimony.
John stepped up and took my notes paired with what he had wanted to say and kind of just spoke for the both of us while I sat with tears streaming down my face. Had I been composed, this is what I had planned to say...
I am thankful for God's peace. In God's Word, He promises to "keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You: because he trusts in You" (Isaiah 26:3). We had a 30 minute drive to and from the hospital each day to spend time with Malachi and meet with doctors and figure out what was best for our baby. Many times I would spend that time listening to this CD. It kind of became my "pump-up" music to keep me in the right mindset when our lives were filled with questions and uncertainty. This song in particular very much kept our minds stayed on our great God who had ordained each and every one of Malachi's days.
EVERY DAY
In Your grace, You know where I walk
You know when I fail
You know all my ways
In Your love, I know You allow
What I cannot grasp
To bring Your praise
Thank You for the trials
For the fire, for the pain
Thank You for the strength
Knowing You have ordained
Every day
Your great power is shown when I’m weak
You help me to see
Your love in this place
Perfect peace is filling my mind
And drawing my heart
To praise You again
In my uncertainty, Your Word is all I need
To know You’re with me every day (repeat)
At their website they include the following little blurb regarding the CD...
But all our problems don’t end when we turn to Christ. We still get sick. Marriages end. Children die. Our plans, great or small, are disrupted. We grow weary in the battle.
Scripture assures us that God is sovereignly using our difficulties as tools to make us more like his Son. “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Ro 5:3–5) While we know these things are true, in the midst of our hardships we can lose perspective. Problems can loom large, and our hopes can grow dim.
Come Weary Saints is an invitation to redirect your focus to the God whose love has been forever demonstrated at the cross of Calvary. As you listen to these songs, may your faith and joy in the Savior be strengthened for the challenges you face, now or in the future.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
6 months
I was thankful that the 25th of this month I was able to spend the entire day with my husband. When the tears come, he understands. A silent nod with a caring look and a loving embrace does a lot to encourage my soul during those times. It's also just nice to know I'm not crazy for the pain that still remains from the gaping hole that was left when our son died. Malachi Stephen, you are missed immensely my baby boy.
Labels:
malachi
Monday, November 22, 2010
it's arrived
The monument place FINALLY finished and placed Chi's gravemarker. It just so happened to be the very same day we welcomed his little brother into the world. Kind of weird. However, we were very pleased with how it turned out!
Front View
Back View
Labels:
malachi
Saturday, November 20, 2010
updates
So, I realize for those of you who don't keep up with us on Facebook I kinda left you hangin' with the whole "my fluid levels are low and we're inducing labor.... today" post. I promise--all is well!!!
Here's the quick version:
Went to the hospital late Tuesday night with contractions coming every five minutes for almost two hours. Once they got me hooked up to the monitors and all that to see how things were going, baby's heart rate had an episode of deceleration which required me to be on oxygen support to help baby. Through the night, I puked and from that point, contractions slowly came to an end. Had it not been for that deceleration episode they would have sent me home, but they wanted to keep me overnight for observation. My doctor came in the next morning and ordered an ultrasound (biophysical profile) to be done on baby just to check things out before sending us home. The fluid levels were measured REALLY low... twice. by two different techs. It was low enough that my doctor (with John and myself) decided to induce. Pitocin was begun, contractions started back up, and eventually my doc broke my water. Shortly thereafter, anesthesia came in to administer my epidural (he did a great job) and I slept the next six hours. I was so very thankful for this sleep as I had stayed awake all of the previous night (due to frustration of ending contractions) and was in dire need of decent rest. At about 12:30 am, I was completely dilated. The room was set up, my doc came in, and baby arrived a push later (yeah, that part of my deliveries goes pretty quickly). It was love at first sight and we've been snuggling and loving on him as much as possible ever since!
Overall, he has a pretty laid-back demeanor (so far, at least). Nursing--which was the most horrible experience with Emerson--has gone wonderfully! I had already come to terms with the fact that Jackson would also prove to be a difficult eater and that we just wouldn't connect when it comes to breastfeeding. I was quick to remind myself that I only lasted 5 or 6 weeks with Emma and she's turned out fine up to this point. If nursing wasn't going to work out, I would just make the switch to formula and not look back. Praise the Lord (yes, this is something I and some close friends had been praying about), Jackson is a GREAT eater. It was funny, one morning the new nurse came in while I was feeding him and she said, "Wow, you can really tell which moms are experienced breastfeeders..." I literally laughed out loud. ME?!?! experienced!?!? HA! The lactation consultant even used us as an example for proper technique! Needless to say, things are going much better than expected! The past few nights, he has eaten at midnight or so (which I'm already up for), then again at 330 or so, and then not til like 8 or 830--all the while going right back to sleep after he's finished eating! All that to say, God is good--so very, very good! (oh, and he was back up to birth weight as his 5-day doc appt. I told you he was a good eater!)
I was so worried that I wouldn't be immediately in love with this baby and that my grief from Malachi's death would still be too much to allow for room for Jackson. I knew, however, that God answers prayers that are asked according to His will. Obviously, it would be God's will for me to LOVE my son, so even though I couldn't fathom it I was able to trust that God would answer that prayer for our family. Sure enough, as soon as I laid eyes on this baby I was smitten. Completely infatuated. Unashamedly in love.
It is interesting to John and I just how much more appreciative we are of the little (big) things that come with a healthy baby. For instance, knowing our baby can hear us and that he can see us is a blessing we most definitely took for granted with Emerson. Not only that, but we were thankful for things like the ability for him to breathe on his own without the use of a ventilator, let alone the ability to breathe through his nose! Jackson was perfectly knit by God within my very being. Amazing!
Lastly...
As you've noticed, we landed on the name Jackson Nehemiah. Not only do we really like how the name Jackson sounds, but Jack (for whatever reason) is a nickname for John and obviously this baby is John's son. So to that end, he is somewhat named after my husband without just blatantly calling him John Jr. The name Nehemiah means God will comfort. What an appropriate promise for our family to cling to now and always. A perfect name for our perfect gift from above.
Here's the quick version:
Went to the hospital late Tuesday night with contractions coming every five minutes for almost two hours. Once they got me hooked up to the monitors and all that to see how things were going, baby's heart rate had an episode of deceleration which required me to be on oxygen support to help baby. Through the night, I puked and from that point, contractions slowly came to an end. Had it not been for that deceleration episode they would have sent me home, but they wanted to keep me overnight for observation. My doctor came in the next morning and ordered an ultrasound (biophysical profile) to be done on baby just to check things out before sending us home. The fluid levels were measured REALLY low... twice. by two different techs. It was low enough that my doctor (with John and myself) decided to induce. Pitocin was begun, contractions started back up, and eventually my doc broke my water. Shortly thereafter, anesthesia came in to administer my epidural (he did a great job) and I slept the next six hours. I was so very thankful for this sleep as I had stayed awake all of the previous night (due to frustration of ending contractions) and was in dire need of decent rest. At about 12:30 am, I was completely dilated. The room was set up, my doc came in, and baby arrived a push later (yeah, that part of my deliveries goes pretty quickly). It was love at first sight and we've been snuggling and loving on him as much as possible ever since!
Overall, he has a pretty laid-back demeanor (so far, at least). Nursing--which was the most horrible experience with Emerson--has gone wonderfully! I had already come to terms with the fact that Jackson would also prove to be a difficult eater and that we just wouldn't connect when it comes to breastfeeding. I was quick to remind myself that I only lasted 5 or 6 weeks with Emma and she's turned out fine up to this point. If nursing wasn't going to work out, I would just make the switch to formula and not look back. Praise the Lord (yes, this is something I and some close friends had been praying about), Jackson is a GREAT eater. It was funny, one morning the new nurse came in while I was feeding him and she said, "Wow, you can really tell which moms are experienced breastfeeders..." I literally laughed out loud. ME?!?! experienced!?!? HA! The lactation consultant even used us as an example for proper technique! Needless to say, things are going much better than expected! The past few nights, he has eaten at midnight or so (which I'm already up for), then again at 330 or so, and then not til like 8 or 830--all the while going right back to sleep after he's finished eating! All that to say, God is good--so very, very good! (oh, and he was back up to birth weight as his 5-day doc appt. I told you he was a good eater!)
I was so worried that I wouldn't be immediately in love with this baby and that my grief from Malachi's death would still be too much to allow for room for Jackson. I knew, however, that God answers prayers that are asked according to His will. Obviously, it would be God's will for me to LOVE my son, so even though I couldn't fathom it I was able to trust that God would answer that prayer for our family. Sure enough, as soon as I laid eyes on this baby I was smitten. Completely infatuated. Unashamedly in love.
It is interesting to John and I just how much more appreciative we are of the little (big) things that come with a healthy baby. For instance, knowing our baby can hear us and that he can see us is a blessing we most definitely took for granted with Emerson. Not only that, but we were thankful for things like the ability for him to breathe on his own without the use of a ventilator, let alone the ability to breathe through his nose! Jackson was perfectly knit by God within my very being. Amazing!
Lastly...
As you've noticed, we landed on the name Jackson Nehemiah. Not only do we really like how the name Jackson sounds, but Jack (for whatever reason) is a nickname for John and obviously this baby is John's son. So to that end, he is somewhat named after my husband without just blatantly calling him John Jr. The name Nehemiah means God will comfort. What an appropriate promise for our family to cling to now and always. A perfect name for our perfect gift from above.
Labels:
jackson
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Free Shutterfly for Christmas
Hey bloggers, right now Shutterfly.com is really pushing their holiday card promotion and not only do I want to take part in the 50 FREE PHOTOCARDS, but I thought some of you might like to as well! Did I mention FREE!?!? Just visit http://blog.shutterfly.com/5358/holiday2010-blog-submission-form/ for details.
I've had great experiences with Shutterfly in the past with both photobooks and Christmas cards.
Personalized photobooks are always a hit for gifts to grandparents and kiddos alike. I made this ABC book for Emerson a while ago. I waited for a promotion and received it with shipping for under $10! It's hardcover and the pics are great quality!
I also received these free Christmas cards last year:
Or, maybe you have the need for birth announcements ;)
Taking a quick peek at the website, there are over 188 templates to choose from . Right now, I'm leaning toward this classic black and white option.
Now, I'll just have to make sure I get a good pic of Miss Emerson and Mr. Jackson.
I've had great experiences with Shutterfly in the past with both photobooks and Christmas cards.
Personalized photobooks are always a hit for gifts to grandparents and kiddos alike. I made this ABC book for Emerson a while ago. I waited for a promotion and received it with shipping for under $10! It's hardcover and the pics are great quality!
I also received these free Christmas cards last year:
Or, maybe you have the need for birth announcements ;)
Taking a quick peek at the website, there are over 188 templates to choose from . Right now, I'm leaning toward this classic black and white option.
Now, I'll just have to make sure I get a good pic of Miss Emerson and Mr. Jackson.
Quick note
Malachi,
Mama misses you. I wish your brother could meet you. When I found out we were pregnant, I knew it would be hard, but I was really looking forward to how he would push you developmentally. I figured he would quickly pass you, but would also be one of your greatest advocates and friends. It would have been a lot of work raising all three of you, but your daddy and I were up for the challenge. Thankfully, I know you are safe and in the best environment any of us could possibly be.
There were plenty of emotions coursing through my being as I met your little brother. I am thankful for the little similarities which he shares with you. Minor ear imperfections will always hold a special place in my heart because of you. Jackson also has long fingers and toes that instantly reminded me of you.
You are loved and missed, my baby.
Mama
Mama misses you. I wish your brother could meet you. When I found out we were pregnant, I knew it would be hard, but I was really looking forward to how he would push you developmentally. I figured he would quickly pass you, but would also be one of your greatest advocates and friends. It would have been a lot of work raising all three of you, but your daddy and I were up for the challenge. Thankfully, I know you are safe and in the best environment any of us could possibly be.
There were plenty of emotions coursing through my being as I met your little brother. I am thankful for the little similarities which he shares with you. Minor ear imperfections will always hold a special place in my heart because of you. Jackson also has long fingers and toes that instantly reminded me of you.
You are loved and missed, my baby.
Mama
Labels:
malachi
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